Catnapping

tessatechaitea:

I thought the second page was going to read, “Using a gigantic laser pointer!”

Last issue Batman knocked Catwoman off of a motorcycle while they were traveling at approximately 82 miles per hour (that’s something like 433 Kilometers per hour if you’re from any other fucking country in the world). Her helmet fell off and she landed on her face. I always thought that Catwoman didn’t have any super powers but since she’s still alive to have another issue on the shelves this month, I guess she has some kind of Cat Power. It definitely isn’t the landing on your feet power since she slid across the pavement on her dainty face. So it must be either Freaks Out Over Shiny Things, Howls Like a Madwoman When in Heat, or Has Nine Lives. I suspect she may have all three of those Cat Powers. She’s definitely lost at least two lives so far in The New 52: last issue and the Zero Issue’s explanation of how she became Catwoman when she survived being thrown off of a skyscraper. She may have used up some more but I only remember most of her comic books in vague, shadowy details full of butts, boobs, and Batmen.

This issue begins with Catwoman already in a straight jacket inside a padded room inside what I suspect, and I’m going out on a limb here, is Arkham. It’s equally possible she’s just in her apartment’s sex room. Except then she starts Narration Boxing and I’m pretty sure the synonyms she’s coming up for her location tend more toward “asylum” than “sex room”.

Obviously there is some overlap.

Hours ago, Justice League of America were hanging out in ARGUS discussing how stupid the name of their parent company is.

J’onn: “It stands for Advanced Research Group Uniting Super Humans, Katana.”
Katana: “So shouldn’t it be ARGUSH?”
J’onn: “I do not know. Maybe there is a dash in there somewhere that counts for something.”
Hawkman: “Hold up. ‘Uniting Super Humans’? Weren’t we brought together to take down the Justice League? Shouldn’t that be ‘Usurping Super Humans’”?
J’onn: “At least it is not SHADE with that stupid ‘E’ standing for ‘executive’. I am sure ARGUS stands for something top secret that would blow their whole secret agenda if they told us the real meaning of the acronym.”
Katana: “I am sorry for the shame of this next statement but are you stupid, J’onn? It’s the word they chose to make into an acronym that exposes their real agenda! The monster with 100 eyes to keep guard and watch everything that everybody does? They’re a fascist surveillance group backed by the government to keep control of the American population, powered or non-powered. Forgive me for my bluntness. I must go join my husband now.”

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Hilarious! I think Ann Nocenti is hopeless. Catwoman is now clocking in at 28k in sales. Probably losing as many readers each minute as the US piles forth the national debt.

Matt Kindt should replace her.